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My kids because I feared they, too, were infected. How could they not be? I assignment from home, they academy from home. Laughing, singing cheek-to-cheek ball parties are accepted in our kitchen.

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My affection because I already accept a affection action brought on by a virus. I had viral meningitis in 2011 and, a cardiologist surmised, my anatomy beatific aqueous to my organs to assure them. The sac of aqueous abreast my affection never reabsorbed, so I alive with a pericardial address that has neither diminished nor developed in the accomplished nine years. It’s a accessory inconvenience, but a acrimonious admonition that bacilli can do unexpected, abiding accident to your organs.

The absolute analysis was a shock. We’d abhorred crowds and restaurants and we consistently wore masks aback abrogation the house. My babe and I got activated calm because we planned to host three of her accompany from academy for a altogether celebration, on the action that her accompany got activated and we got tested. Neither of us had symptoms.

Her analysis came aback negative, but I afraid it was false, that her viral amount hadn’t accomplished a apparent akin yet. I affected my son, who was accepting activated the abutting day, would additionally be positive. I affected my husband, who was activated the day afterwards my babe and me, was additionally infected.

But those tests, and two consecutive rounds, were all negative.

So I abandoned in a additional bedroom, donning a affectation and accoutrement my easily in bi-weekly accoutrements aback I bare to emerge. My affection grew a little worse anniversary day. My accomplished anatomy ached. My arch throbbed and my eyeballs pulsated. I would lose my alternation of anticipation mid-sentence and balloon simple words.

“This virus can adhere out in my academician for a while,” I texted a friend. “As continued as it stays bright of my heart.”

I ordered a beating oximeter to accumulate an eye on my affection amount and oxygen levels, and I took abundance in their abiding levels.

I waffled amid acknowledgment that my affection weren’t worse and abhorrence that they would become so any moment. I acquainted anew bent to assure my kids from experiencing this affair I now had a aftertaste of, and blank to alive up to that task. I acquainted accusable that they were downstairs, already abyssal their eighth ages of activity afterwards the comforts of in-person academy and admired sports and accessible acquaintance with friends, and now accomplishing so afterwards my help.

Nine canicule afterwards my absolute test, the affection started to lift. Someone from the Chicago Department of Public Bloom alleged to ask how I was activity and advice me acquaintance trace. She said I was austere to appear out of abreast on day 10. To be safe, she said, I should get re-tested 14 canicule afterwards my antecedent absolute analysis to accomplish abiding I was absolutely bright of the virus.

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The morning I was appointed to be sprung, I woke up activity the affliction I’d yet felt. My cephalalgia was severe. I was too addled to sit upright. I spent the day lying flat.

I woke up the afterward day activity worse. I couldn’t angle or airing afterwards aptitude my aback adjoin the bank and inching my way against the bathroom. I alleged my primary affliction physician, who directed me to the emergency room.

After an antecedent triage and electrocardiogram, I was accustomed a claret analysis for COVID-19 markers. One protein that doctors analysis for is troponin, which tells them the virus has damaged your heart. My troponin levels were added than three times the advantageous limit. They arrested afresh in a few hours to see if they’d gone down. They’d gone up.

COVID-19, the ER doctor explained, goes wherever your claret argosy go. And your claret vessels, of course, go everywhere.

The cardiac abrasion was abundant to get me admitted, but it didn’t necessarily explain the headaches and dizziness. The doctor appropriate a lumbar puncture, aback hospitals accept been seeing the coronavirus account viral meningitis in some patients. My above-mentioned bender with meningitis didn’t accomplish me added or beneath acceptable to accept it, he said. It’s artlessly a action — aching deepening of the academician and analgesic bond membranes — that can tag forth with COVID-19. He backward in the allowance and talked to me about books while addition doctor performed the analgesic tap.

It’s adamantine to acquisition words for the cool of emotions, as belly as the pain, in that moment.

Immense acknowledgment for these ablaze minds, alive angrily to accumulate the accident to a minimum — day in and day out, accommodating afterwards accommodating — and risking their own bloom in the process.

Rage that the acumen and acquaintance of scientists and doctors and added experts accept been absolved or downplayed aback the alpha of this pandemic.

Sorrow for the hundreds of bags of lives absent and families burst and rituals chaotic and joy deferred aback March.

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Fear, obviously.

It was all there, bouncing about in my hardly burst heart.

The analgesic tap was inconclusive. I had the proteins that announce meningitis, but not the white claret cells. I was confused to a allowance in the COVID-19 unit, area I saw a alternation of doctors for the abutting three days.

I was accustomed claret thinner shots in my aerial accoutrements to anticipate a stroke. A assistant drew my claret every four hours to analysis my troponin levels. I had addition EKG and an ultrasound of my heart. I had a CT browse and MRI of my brain. The MRI took abode at 1:30 a.m. because that’s aback there was an opening.

As the MRI technologist wheeled me aback to delay for hospital carriage to acknowledgment me to my room, he asked aback I was aboriginal diagnosed. I told him my absolute analysis was 12 canicule prior.

“You’re lucky,” he told me.

I didn’t feel lucky. Everything hurt. My accoutrements were covered in bruises from the IVs and claret thinner shots. I was abandoned and afraid about my kids and home and afraid about me. I was annoyed in a way I had never experienced.

But he was right. I was lucky. I went home the abutting day. My troponin levels were starting to abatement and a neurologist gave me the all-clear. I was ordered to blow and abstain accent as abundant as possible.

The abutting eight canicule at home I had to blanket ice packs about my arch and defended them in abode with a stocking cap to addled the headaches. I didn’t move abundant from the couch. Slowly I started to add activities back: walks with my family, agenda amateur at our kitchen table. I had a followup MRI of my affection to analysis for myocarditis and none was detected, acceptation the cardiac abrasion is acceptable acute, rather than chronic. I feel appealing acceptable now, seven weeks afterwards I was diagnosed.

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I am lucky.

And I am afraid — about how abounding added infections, hospitalizations, and deaths lie advanced of us, about spikes beyond the country, about association acquisition for Thanksgiving.

I wavered about autograph this. I apprehend a lot from the COVID-is-overblown crowd, and I apprehend a lot from the (screw)-your-feelings crowd, and this adventure is an invitation, I realize, for blowback from both.

But this virus is far from done with us. And it serves no one for me to accumulate an acquaintance with it buried in mystery. Too abundant about COVID-19 has been buried in mystery.

I ambition we had a civic testing action and a civic affectation authorization and daily, aboveboard briefings about the latest coronavirus science and statistics and strategies. We accept none of those things.

But we accept anniversary other. And our fates are intertwined. That’s never acquainted added admirable or added terrifying. I still accept we can acceleration to the occasion, abnormally with principled, affectionate administration nudging us, allegorical us from the top. I accept aerial hopes for presumptive President-elect Joe Biden’s COVID-19 assignment force.

I accept aerial hopes for our adeptness and alertness to assure one another. It is, in fact, our alone advantage to defeat this virus, which has already baseborn so much.

Heidi Stevens is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune.

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